Christmas- the most wonderful time of year. The holidays are known for festivities, joy, spirit, and of course consumerism. The mark of the season is the beautiful music, from Hymns to Pop numbers, Christmas music is unmistakably special. I mean, come on, what’s Halloween got? Thriller? But despite the spirit-filled melodies of many Christmas songs, like all things, the good must come with the bad.
Picture this: It’s December 24th, you take a drive through town to see the Christmas lights. Hot cocoa in hand, the crunch of the snow under your tires. Your children in the backseat no longer anxiously ask questions of when Santa will arrive, their minds instead captivated by the wonder of the dances the colors take on the snow. Bliss in the purest form. As Its Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas (the best Christmas song) rolls to an end, I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas comes on. Naturally, you floor the gas and yank the wheel, kissing the nearest telephone pole at 60 miles an hour.
Nothing ruins the yuletide bubble like a brain-meltingly bad tune, so here’s the rundown of the Top 10 songs to avoid to keep your season jolly:
10) I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas
This atrocity of a song sounds like you took presents, laughter, Santa Claus, and cookies… then threw them in a blender. When this song pops on the radio my heart drops, knowing it’s my last minute with my ears still intact. This is definitely deserving of #10 worst Christmas song.
9) I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas
Sitting steadily in #9 is the horrific piece, I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas. Unfortunately, everyone’s heard this song at least once, and everyone has decided they never want to hear it again. I’m not sure how this song has managed to top the charts year after year (probably from masochists), but every year I hope it’s its last.
8) I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas
This lesser-known song makes #8 for tunes that WILL cause me to mute the radio this year.
7) I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas
You know what I want for Christmas? The official abolishment of this song from every music-sharing technology on the planet.
6) I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas
What can I say? Terrible, terrible song. Get it away from Christmas.
#5) I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas
Who wrote this song? Who produced it? Who sang it? All of them, prison. Life.
#4)
Rolling in at 4 is the eye-rolling, ear-tearing piece I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas. There are no redeeming qualities to this song. I would say take a listen for yourself, but I cannot suggest something so vile in good faith.
#3) I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas
It’s on the podium! This reprehensible conglomeration of sounds not fit for human consumption belongs in #3, and should never be heard.
#2) I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas
Our runner-up, I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas. This must have been an attempt at the worst song in history record; good news, it won!
#1) I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas
Topping the podium, as the worst Christmas song in history, the crown goes to I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas. This song is nefarious, execrable, egregious, flagitious, unpardonable, ghastly, odious, wicked, shameful,
and horrifying. Nothing else could belong in #1
